आसमान से गिरे, खजूर पर लटके!!!

My friend Ankur always reiterates that I can never be happy in my life. This paradoxical statement seems to be true now. People close to me know that I have always been a dreamer; that I have never been afraid of taking risks; that I have always done something unconventional, something different from the rest of the junta. But a very few of them know that I have always strived to make myself happy.

Yesterday I came to office at 6 in the morning and went back to my room at 10:30 in the night. I skipped my breakfast, lunch and dinner just because I didnt want my credibility to be questioned by someone who exerts hard to find flaws in every (good) work I do, my BOSS. I was there in the office for more than sixteen hours. It doesn't mean I am a slow worker. The amount of work I did yesterday was by all means 2 complete days' work. I joined my new job thinking that it will be less monotonous than my earlier job and analytics was something in which I had genuine interest. I joined Infy 6 months later than the scheduled joining date. I took six months extension to prepare for CAT and to continue teaching at IMS. Another debacle at CAT this year and I was forced to join Infy as my parents thought that teaching wasn't good for my long term career prospects (even though it paid me 3 times higher than Infy). By the time I came to Mysore, all my friends were posted to different locations. The following two mails which I sent to Ankur while being in Infy suggest that how boring were the three months I passed there.

From: Shashank Shekhar04

Sent: Friday, January 18, 2008 1:30 AM

To: Ankur Datta

Subject: RE: Re baklanda

Eye ho kukkur!!

Probably first time in my life am finding myself so lonely. The life here has become quite melancholic for me and I must confess ki am not enjoying the experience. I realise that I have never been fully content and happy for last few years. But there was always someone with whom I could share and discuss my miseries.I have always been a dreamer. I have always expected myself to perform better than my capabilities. Throughout my life I have been self obsessed. Deep inside I have always believed that none in entire universe is better than me. But now this feeling is dying. Consistent failures and no chance of any redemption whatsoever, are making me weak. Am losing the self belief and am learning to compromise.If this being the state of affairs for next few days, am sure, I ll have to start struggling to survive in a domain which I have always considered substandard and mediocre.

"The projections are done, and I can see,
I ll end up being someone, I never wanted to be".

Shashank Shekhar

Software Engineer

Infosys®
P O W E R E D B Y I N T E L L E C T
D R I V E N B Y V A L U E S.

From: Shashank Shekhar04

Sent: Friday, January 18, 2008 5:48 PM

To: Ankur Datta

Subject: Hi !!

Dear Ankur,

I was expecting a reply from you to my last mail. I did try reaching you on your cell but you disconnected. Seems you are too busy with your pre project training. Never mind. Getting involved in something and not getting time is any day better than doing nothing and not getting time. I fall in the latter category.

I am finding it pretty difficult to continue here. I called papa today and told him that I want to leave Infy and return back to my teaching profession in Kolkata. He din't sound too happy. Am feeling bad for my parents. They suffer a lot coz of me.

XLRI results are out. Just now, I got a sms from Shyam Naren. Lemme check and send u my score.

Verbal Ability-89.970

Quantitative Ability-99.940

Reasoning & Decision making ability-98.460

Total Percentile-99.430

Shyam got 99.73 percentile. Very slim chance of getting a call, yet again. Still, keeping my fingers crossed.Rest of mail I ll write later.

"My life seems aimless, and the world seems insane,

As i introspect, and walk down the lane.... "

Shashank Shekhar
Software Engineer
Infosys®

P O W E R E D B Y I N T E L L E C T

D R I V E N B Y V A L U E S.

To be continued............